Leave the sun for the rain

How far do we people go to reach out for our goals? If it’s not our goals, but for good human intentions, would we be willing or able to do that? Who would leave the sun for the rain? And does this always must have a negative meaning or is it just a temporary state for the higher soul? 

I do relate myself to this last sentence. I do leave the sun for the rain. I think everyone with a good conscience is willing to do so. But might not all be able to be strong enough to pass the trouble that it brings. To give a short example how I would see this clear pictured; Love is a big keyword, which visualizes the leave the sun for the rain quote.

Love makes everything being worth it, to go through the good and most important the bad.

If you love a person truly nothing else counts except the inner connection between you and your beloved one(s). Of course this might sounds fairytelling for you but this cliché-talk sounds actually very real for me though. Everyone has experienced this in multiple ways. For example a person that is so ambitioned for their profession and thereby giving up everything else that is normally important (the movie Whiplash shows this perfectly! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d_jQycdQGo). The other could pass this through a love relationship in which could be complicating by circumstances. Such as long distance or toxic love. Where you know a person is not good for you but you can’t unbreak yourself from the chain because you always see the good in every loving person.  Or maybe you witnessed this in a situation of an addicted person.  Where parents standing unpowered, having paradoxical fights with their child not able to define the boundaries. And therefore just not able to put their kid on the streets. Tough love I would say. I don’t see love completely as a solely feeling of happiness actually. More of having a pure sincere connection that stays stable in every circumstances; the good and the bad. In worst case this means going through life by lots of struggles… and sometimes it would be just easy to give up, being a bit ego and letting go. But still I won’t do that because of the strong inner power of love. Could this lead to unhealthy situations, yes..

It could be really hard to experience the unconditional love. You could see it in a beautiful way in sense of fighting for the people you love. But also suffering for not being able to let go a person even when important boundaries are crossed.

Boundaries are to keep yourself save and not losing yourself by other peoples problems and projected negativity.  In which you can’t make any difference in their perspective or getting in any control of that.

And, that’s tough thing. I experience this type of unconditional love in relationships and family-matters. I left the sun for the rain at moments where things are becoming hard and difficult to deal with the people I love, where I will fight with them or for them. Even when I know it hurts me to be around them.

When the true reality of your dream job reveals, what now?!

Many people probably experienced this at least once in their life. You might get the chance to start the perfect job you were dreaming of (doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur and so on) but in a while noticing it was not really typically what you thought of before you took the offer. How further? The big crowd first tries to overcome that period of insecureness by denying it. Then they start to feel consequent unhappy with what they are doing. Just working their ass of everyday without enjoying it and the problem starts  becoming confronting. The moment you experience your dreamjob as a hard thing not worth to go for than it’s getting time to rethink your perfect future job! With everything feelings thoughts and ambitions changes by time. Even when these ideals are long time fixed. But as humans of course it could be difficult to let go of some of them. When we are not able to do so it’s possible to be wrapped up into a way of life in which you could never be happy with (do not go there please!?) Realizing that your ‘dream job’ is not 1. fitting you 2. needing too much work efforts whereby 3. fading the ‘you’ away or 4. just not liking the job anymore are very important indicators for standing still by the thoughts of this situation. And if NOT the results could be evolve into burn-outs & depressions. Which are frequent events that overcome our population easily (especially in this society) that actually makes it a healthy decision for  us to stop what we are doing now! But all situations have in common that we are most afraid for falling into a black hole. We just don’t know anymore what our next step is because we never thought of anything else before. And if we knew the alternatives it seems we are good in doubting and untrusting our own perfect suited plan. For me it overcame me several moments at my 26th and 28th and it got me out of the total run for five months and resulted literally in doing NOTHING. But it did help me figuring out what I want and don’t want. This is what I learned and experienced from it.

First I need to mention why I am writing this article. Uhm well, it started all after quitting my last job.  I had a high status job in the medicine world as a resident (doctor degree) getting experience in the intensive care department. This was everything I always wanted(emergency medicine, really cool ;)!! Growing up as a medical student there was always a ‘thing’ that all effort you make was only for becoming a doctor. It was written up as your own true identity. Thinking about becoming something else was weird and nobody would understand me for thinking about stepping over to some other professions. I always thought about becoming something else, different, creative in another way. Like for example being a graphic designer or webdesigner ect. But I never dared to be something else. After my study I have gained some experience in South-America working in several departments which was a tough period but very exciting, adventurous and informative as well. After that I came back in Europe and again getting work experience. Somehow I caught myself on being too perfectionist(already since early days). In work everything had to be accurate with perfect quality of work. The downside of this; it took lots of me in sense of time, effort and most important ME. I lost myself in my work and thereby dropped all personal activities. And found it difficult to handle the pressure and responsibilities. Not seeing friends nor family and only mulling about work at nights was really hard. I was trapped in a so called pre-burnout. It was heavy at work to deal with the daily stuff because of having no concentration and experiencing anxiety all the time. Also feeling extremely tired and most of all just worrying about everything, NOT GOOD. Somehow me living in distance from acquaintances/family and the job specifications that didn’t  fit me personally doesn’t mean I performed badly. Thank god I was willing to accept the idea of quitting my job and that was the most difficult decision making in lifetime. For that time moment it felt as giving up..

Why was it difficult? It was always important how other people thought about me and most important my parents. By growing up in a bit of a problematic family I was always trying as a child to compensate for all the things that didn’t go perfect at our house. I did this by having the perfect results at school & university. I learned myself a pattern that having good achievements means being perfect & good myself. Having no succes was equal as  being useless and worthless. Quitting that job was hard in a way that I was putting too much weight and value on this job. I saw my selfworth on that job. After a period it started to feel empty inside. The whole idea of being a doctor became something I did not want to think of anymore. But how would I project myself now on the working field. I really don’t know.. The only thing I studied for was medicine. And therefore by starting that I committed my whole life for being a doctor! Now I am 28th, what now? It’s a good thing you have different options within this degree, thank god!

After quitting ‘the job’ I start figuring out there was a life after letting go my ‘old ideals’

The so called break up with my life, my old habit of thinking, did me very good though. It changed me into a person that sees life more in a dynamic way. Like there is no good or wrong, it is only called life! The trial and error even seems amusing to me after some errors. Talking with others about being jobless could feel confronting, but actually nothing to be ashamed for! You will even notice that others have been going through the same experience and respecting the hard decision you made. Because they did not have the guts for doing what you did! No one including yourself would be happy if you coldblooded continued your daily status job you hate and going under by a depression and burn-out. Which is way more tougher to escape from. Take advantage that you have the time of the world for getting in touch with yourself again, be into nature, be physical active and most important do the things that make you desire for. Lots of succesfull people came from a place where they literally had nothing (no certifications, broke, no work experience) but they have all in common that they know themselves and what they  truly want. They are extremely motivated, hardworking because they love what they are doing. You could be one of them, I believe it for myself and for others. Don’t be afraid to make the move if you are not happy in the place you are in now!

PS: A small update; nowadays I got a parttime job getting experience in a less chaotic department of medicine. Fine for now and it’s cool too! Besides I am trying to write and creating creative concepts which I love!